[we] have a Theory {part II}

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Welcome all loyal e.j. blog followers! The long awaited “Part II” of the “Temperament Theory” has relocated to this blog. Hope you enjoy my added thoughts as well. If you asking yourself “Temper..what?” please enjoy Part I of the theory.

I must confess as I write I am in the throngs of grand domestic endeavor (Shout out Chocolate Chunk Peanut Butter Swirl Fudgy Cookies)So, every fourteen minutes there will be a short intermission…well, if this was in real time of course.

**Also important to note the importance of having all ingredients before you start making the batter. Curse you light brown sugar.

OK, back the theory. Here is another opportunities where you can define your (or someone else’s) temperament, which may further define who you should start mozing-on-over at the next awkward singles ice cream social (kidding).  But honestly, we think its worthwhile to differentiate between personality and temperament. It might reveals great similarities with someone you thought was the “exact opposite.”

2. Define: How stress is handled

We have all had those moments. The forgotten writing assignment. Dead stop traffic. Hovering deadlines. Someone who defines ‘gabber’ and ‘inconsiderate.’ The dreaded relationship miscommunication. What do you do?

Well some, as I like to call it, “hit the fan.” They blow up and freak out. Not in a violent or abusive type of way, but rather all their life appears to be going the drain. All must stop until the stress goes away. This means DTRs (define the relationship) or RTR (repair the relationship) until the break of dawn. Or pushing all other priorities aside until the project is completed. They could be the most type-A person you know, the procrastinator, or something in-between. The important distinction is that the stress gets really big–all consuming–and then gets taken care. All is truly well and gone when the stress has passed.

And then there is the push-downer aka the “manager.” These are the type that want to minimize the stress so they can figuratively “step over it.” While our friends above want it all in the open, these friends want their stress in bite-size pieces. There may even be aspects of denial, but not in an unhealthy way. Only aspects of the stress are considered at a time. They just want it manageable and will take the long time to conquer it. Their process may be slower, but sure does not have the drama of the ‘hit the fan’ style. And that’s the way they like it.

There are those who need to externally process it all. It isn’t real stress until it has been named. Some to-do list the junk out of their stress. Now that is written down, they can move forward. Some need a break activity were the stress does not exist. Unlike our “managing stressers,” they do go into complete denial…for a season. They go a jog, watch a TV show, or make sure the stressor doesn’t come in a 50 mile radius of the dinner conversation.

Now, imagine if you crossed a “hit-the-fan” (HTF) with a “manager.” The HTF would lay it all out there. “Where have you been? I feel neglected. I care about you and I just don’t know what is going on.” Even if HTF says it calmly (its important to not assume that the HTF is always dramatic or yelling. They just want all of it out there at once) Manager is going to freak out. They feel invaved, bombarded, and now they are ticked. The stress is rising and they are thinking quickly of ways to make it “bite size.”

But the problem is HTF keeps giving a Big Mac version of what is going on. And now they are starting to feel betrayed, because they are being authentic and Manager appears to be minimizing the stress. Is this not important to Manager? Why can they not just show up and be in this relationship?

Yikes.

Now, as e.j. said, we do not need our replica. If you are a HTF you might not need a HTF (well, maybe you do). But I confident you sure do need someone with very similar stress styles. You will be able to track with each and recover from the stress much easier. Tension is already stressful enough...you want someone who can at least hack riding the waves like you do.

***

Believe it or not, there are a few more points to make.  But don’t worry, like my Chocolate Chunk Peanut Butter Swirl Fudgy Cookies, we are almost done!

So, back to you e.j.


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About Kate

I remember the first time I heard it. A lanky fourteen-year-old that had grown legs, but not an identity, hugging the cold hardwood floor on a hot summer day. The black plastic radio blared the hits today and yesterday. I rested my eyes, trying to push away the heat. I do not remember the songs that proceeded or followed it, but I do remember the grin that broke out when I heard "...she checks out Mozart while she does Taebo." As cliche as it sounds, my young teenage heart found hope in the confident uniqueness of Train's "Drops of Jupiter" mystery woman. I wanted to be her. Well, maybe not her, but someone who lived authentically even if it was slightly puzzling others. I hated the idea of being inconsistant, but her contradictions were not inconsistency, but rather her journey to connecting the very different parts of her life together. They made sense, because she was her. And it even inspired others to question and develop..."reminds me that there is room to grow." Since then, I have been "tracing my ways through the constellations" on a sort of "soul vacation." I have been met and surrounded by a Divine Light, whose love, truth, and justice has pierced the darkness. The drops of Jupiter in my hair are cherish friends, big questions, and unexpected humor. I use this blog as a way to share some of the journey. Thanks for joining in, even if its for a moment. "The true light that gives light to every man was coming into the world." John 1:9

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