Irrational (but funny) Thought Cycles

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After one month and three days, you would have guessed that I had fallen off the face of the blogging world. I would say that I have been busy, but who would I be kidding? I am a second semester senior. Truth be told, I have fallen into a cycle.

As with most good habits that get dropped, it started with a lull. I was busy (or busier) and lacked the time or inspiration to write. Then several significant “blogable” moments passed and I began feeling overwhelmed by my next blog topic choice. The mulitiude of blog topic choices was followed by a slow forgetting, where I began to overlook the fact I even had a blog. Once reminded by a friend’s blog entry email notification that I had a blog, I became frustrated with the upkeep required to keep a blog and chose not to blog with a sense of “defiance.” Another blogable moment arose which inspired to log into my blog, in which I was instantly discouraged by my site’s stats of “Most Views in a Day: 7.” Wallowing in the fact that no one read my blog, I avoided its URL for another week.

Which leads me to today’s topic. While taking a shower I began thinking about my blog again and reminiscing on all the reasons I had avoided blogging (read paragraph above). I could not help but laugh to myself, because my semi-dramatic and overexaggerated blogging journey was a prime example for this truth: Cycles are irrational.

I began thinking of other examples of irrational (but funny) thought cycles I throw myself into and came up with these three examples.

  1. I care that I am not more carefree. There is nothing like wrestling through some big questions or life decisions and encountering a carefree person. Whether it be the three-year-old that does laps around the kitchen making dinosaur noises or the student who has two tests and a 10 page paper due in the next week without a sign of a panic attack, I am reminded that there are people who are little peaceful and trusting spirit then I. (Mind you its important to make the distinction between carefree and careless. Careless leaves you stranded on the interstate without a lick of gas in a fifteen mile radius) But instead of taking these people as models for a new perspective, I start being more concerned that I am not carefree. Which ironically enough, adds another concern to my stressed state. Just wanting to be carefree does not get you anywhere. Its like “Honey, stop getting your undies in a bunch.” Relax and be thankful for what’s around you. Then, you will begin to see all the positive cares that have been placed in your life. And maybe even be a little more carefree.
  2. I get scared that I am going to be scared. What makes us scream like little children at an eight legged creature the size of a penny? It sure isn’t our rational understanding of danger…it’s fear. I realize fear clogs up my rational thinking tubes and fills them with panicked stupidity. So, with life choices looming the last thing I want is the fear factor playing its influence. Therefore, I begin doing the neurotic “introspection scan” for any fears tainting my perspective and even get freaked out if I do not find them. If I am scared and don’t know it, I am going to be irrational and make terrible decisions. Without knowing it. Which scares my socks off. See the cycle? It’s ridiculous.
  3. Being passionate about the weather. I love sunny weather. I love how it warms up your skin or how the sun creeps into your room to start the new day. I just love wearing jeans, a zip-up, and comfy flats. So, when the snowflakes start to fall mid-March I am ticked. A shamrock shake is the coldest thing I want to touch. But, if I let the weather dictate my attitude, I am entrusting my mood to a phenomenon meteorologists cannot even predict. Cold weather will come. Rainy days will get my socks wet. But letting the temperature have any power over my mood is just silly.

Well, I guess all seven of you will be witnesses of whether or not I fall into my blogging cycle again. Hope to be blogging again soon…well, that is, only if it’s sunny.

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About Kate

I remember the first time I heard it. A lanky fourteen-year-old that had grown legs, but not an identity, hugging the cold hardwood floor on a hot summer day. The black plastic radio blared the hits today and yesterday. I rested my eyes, trying to push away the heat. I do not remember the songs that proceeded or followed it, but I do remember the grin that broke out when I heard "...she checks out Mozart while she does Taebo." As cliche as it sounds, my young teenage heart found hope in the confident uniqueness of Train's "Drops of Jupiter" mystery woman. I wanted to be her. Well, maybe not her, but someone who lived authentically even if it was slightly puzzling others. I hated the idea of being inconsistant, but her contradictions were not inconsistency, but rather her journey to connecting the very different parts of her life together. They made sense, because she was her. And it even inspired others to question and develop..."reminds me that there is room to grow." Since then, I have been "tracing my ways through the constellations" on a sort of "soul vacation." I have been met and surrounded by a Divine Light, whose love, truth, and justice has pierced the darkness. The drops of Jupiter in my hair are cherish friends, big questions, and unexpected humor. I use this blog as a way to share some of the journey. Thanks for joining in, even if its for a moment. "The true light that gives light to every man was coming into the world." John 1:9

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